Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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