we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
