im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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