good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
