He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
