I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
