if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
