In the future we'll all be gay
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
pop tarts are not kleenex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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