How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
