The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
His nipple licking is glorious
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