God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
