watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
