i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
