Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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