went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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