Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
