this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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