I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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