I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
