The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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