I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
