i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
