OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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