dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
