glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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