I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
