I am puke
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
