I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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