Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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