She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Even my vagina gasped.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
