Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
