clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
