hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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