my mouth tastes like poor choices
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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