just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
