dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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