I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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