Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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