When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
