she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
