yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
