I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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