I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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