You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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