be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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