I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
