I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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