did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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