My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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