so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.