I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.