Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.