no, he came in my armpit
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.