i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is