i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.