Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.