Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”