The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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