I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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