Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
