He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.