Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake