He kissed a someone with a penis
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
