did you get engaged???
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM