Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
