She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
