I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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