I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize