We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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