Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
