my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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