the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize