the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
