So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
