I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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