My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
