She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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