My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
