I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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