so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
