I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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