They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
