census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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