I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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