That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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