I molested 6 butterflies tonight
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
