Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
