no, he came in my armpit
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
