when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
